A Few Facebook Laws to Follow

I’m allowed to talk about other crap, right?  This is my blog, not the official SJP track/xc blog.  Therefore, I can talk about whatever my heart desires.  I’ve been on Facebook a few months now, and I’ve noticed a few things which piss me off, and some that make me happy.  Therefore, although others have talked about it before me, here are my unofficial Facebook rules.

The Status

The status, as I am sure you are aware, is a great feature.  For those of you too out of the loop to not be on Facebook, iut’s a thing where you tell everyone what you are doing/thinking/how shitty your life is.  Here’s what I hate… there are too many people who update it constantly.  If you are going on vacation, to the mall, or to the football game, by all means, tell me.  But, if you are getting it on with the girl next door, please, for the love of God, leave me out of it.  I could give a shit.  If you’re being forced to go to your sister’s school play, go ahead, tell me (especially because I love hearing about your suffering). 

The limit for updating your status is… oh… 3 times a day.  Anything more than that tells me one of two things: 1) You’re friggin addicted, and 2) You aren’t really doing that, because you never get off Facebook.

The Profile Pic

Okay, so many of you may be like… “Wow, this is an easy one, right?”  Well you’re wrong.  Many of the idiots out there on FB suck and either never add a profile pic, or they use some friggin celebrity or logo or some crap like that as their pic.  I have some very simple rules regarding this for you. 

Firstly, you need to actually add a profile pic.  If you don’t, you suck.  What if there a billion Joe Schmos out there.  If you don’t have a pic, how do I know it’s you when I’m searching for you?  Exactly, I don’t.  That leads me to my second rule.  You HAVE to pick a picture of you.  Not Brad Pitt.  Not Miley friggin Cyrus.  Not the logo for the damn Boston Red Sox.  YOU.  And there is absolutely no excuse for picking no pic and only having a damn question mark.

Thirdly, and most important… we have to actually see you.  Not even your face necessarily (as long as you have hair that stands out or a big ass scar on the back of your neck).    But, it needs to be of you and we need to see you.  You can’t be half a mile away.  FINALLY: DO NOT TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF!  Oh my God, this pisses me off so much.  Especially when you can see the flash in the damn mirror.  If you can’t find a real picture of you, maybe you should get off your computer.

The Friends

Your friends list is only allowed to include people whom you have actually met before.  Also, no relatives or your parents.  Come on, that’s creepy.  If you see a request and wonder who it is, that is a good indication to NOT accept the request.  It makes you a Facebook whore, and therefore makes you suck.  You cannot have more that… oh… 500 friends (and that’s being lenient).  On the other hand, you need to have friends.  The point of FB is to communicate with friends, so why don’t you?  You need at least 10 to look legit.  Period.  No exceptions.

The Wall

I don’t care what new FunWall just came out, you are only allowed to have one wall.  In addition, you need to be able to distinguish between a wall post and a personal message.  A wall post is a quck little question or statement, for example “Wanna go 2 the Y today?” or “You looked stoned at the party last night”.  Then the person might respond and you are done.  Anything else is a personal message.  I don’t want a gazillion friggin wall posts from Joe Schmo cluttering my wall.  Personal messages are more like emails.  A better comparison: wall=text messages, PM=phone call.  Of course that is for normal people.  I know people have whole convos on texts, but that’s a different rant for a different day.  Don’t confuse the two.  Thank you.

The Invites

DO NOT INVITE ME TO ANYTHING!  Unless of course you know I’ll love it.  Like if you find a group/app/whatever about track/xc, then by all means, invite me.  But if it’s one of the retarded “Let’s get everyone in one group” B.S. groups, then please leave me out.  I hate those.  I hate people who invite me to them more.  So please, don’t invite me.

The Network

This is my last one.  If you go to a school that has administrators who monitor facebook activity and bust kids for it (I won’rt mention any schools), don’t join the network.  Just join your local city’s network instead.  I don’t want you to sacrifice your freedom of speech because of a B.S. administration that thinks they can control what you say online.  I like the constitution, so, personally, I like freedom of speech.  So dn’t sacrifice it.  The only exception is if you don’t say controversial things or don’t give a crap what the school thinks of you (like me).  Then, by all means, join the network.  Hell, friend the the administrator if you really want to stick it to the man.  It’d be like “Na na na na na, I don’t care what you think of me “

Talk at ya later